Oh no! They are making a Sonic live action movie…

If you are looking at the image and saying to yourself: “This has to be a joke” then I fear, you are incorrect:

Yes, they are doing a live action version of Sonic The Hedgehog and yes absolutely no one asked for this! And yes, clearly Hollywood is now scraping the absolute bottom of the barrel. Clearly, they noticed people aren’t spending enough money on their endless reboots of cult classic movies and franchises. So now they are dipping their toes into making live action movies of video game franchises. All I can say is:

The Smurfs showed us that certain cartoon adaptations can only be done in 3D “cartoon style animation”:

But even then, the movie was utter garbage not just because of the animation style but because of the bad writing and storytelling. Having said that there are four levels of live-action cartoon adaptations: (Source)

Level 1: Hand-drawn like God intended.
Level 2: 3D but designed and animated like it is hand drawn.
Level 3: Photo-realistic yet somehow still faithful to the original.
Level 4: Never go this far unless you want everyone to hate you.

Can we all just take a moment to apricate how bad the character design is going to be? If this is what he will look like from the front:

We can only imagine what he will look like from behind:

*Cringes* unless you are a furry and into this sort of thing I simply cannot see how this design would work. It will end up looking like a creepy guy with long ass legs and no ass in a fur suit. Just imagining it will haunt my dreams forever! Also got to love how they throw this in there:

Do they think we are that stupid? Sonic is literally nothing like those movies, did they just put it in there because Sonic is fast? Brain dead marketing right there. So here is my prediction for the movie:

The movie will feature a human character late teenager or young adult in high school or college, he will of course be there star track athlete hence his nickname “Sonic”. Who will transform into Sonic due to coming into contact with the chaos emeralds. Robotnik will be the stereotypical good guy scientist gone bad in the search for power and the chaos emeralds. He will also have a long-time friend named Miles (Nod to Tails) and he will have a girlfriend named Amy or Sally.

[Editorial Note:] Put down your money now folks because I am calling it now!

About larch

I am a cucumber in a fruit bowl.
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