Deranged environmental hippies turning into “Eco Sexuals”

Okay stop the bus, I want to get off. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind if these people, for example, want to have sex with mother earth and finger whatever plant they can get their hands on. As long as the plant’s give their consent, of course, we don’t want people having sex with plants and not have their consent. (Insert sarcasm here) What I am, is really gobsmacked that we as human beings and as a species and a society has gone so deep down the rabbit hole. And honestly, from the outside looking in and to any semi-normal person out there, this does not look like a sexual or mental disorder. But rather a bunch of deranged environmental hippies who want to craft some motive about how they are “one with nature”.  But I mind when they try to push their insanity onto others people and demand they are viewed as normal. Which they aren’t.

orchird“The Earth is our lover,” their website proclaims. “We are madly, passionately, and fiercely in love, and we are grateful for this relationship each and every day.” No wonder we haven’t been able to find intelligent life in outer space because they have been avoiding us like the plague because clearly as a species we have gone from zero to batshit insane in a matter of 100 years. I mean would you want to make contact with a species that roll around in the dirt having an orgasm covered in potting soil? For those still in the dark what an “Eco Sexual” is you can find a more thorough explanation here. Warning link contains naked people covered in potting soil and plants, but what it boils down to is a person who imagines the Earth as their lover, imagine a nudist who gets’s off on humping a cactus or fingering orchard.

[Editorial Note:] I guess that: “Are you getting enough vegetables?” will have a totally different meaning now. Also, is fruit and vegetable consent going to become a thing now?

About larch

I am a cucumber in a fruit bowl.
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